Dump this loser…NOW!
Christine the Curmudgeon saw this in today’s Annie’s Mailbox column:
Dear Annie: I married “Dean” nine years ago. It was a second marriage for both of us. Soon after we wed, he said we would split all expenses 50-50. However, the house is in his name, and he will not put my name on the deed since I can’t match “his” down payment, even though I pay him rent each month.
Everything we do, I have to pay half. He and his teenage son went on a two-week vacation, and I couldn’t go because I couldn’t afford my share. Today I am really steamed because he took a group of friends out to lunch and paid for them. But when we go out, I have to pay my own way. He lavishes money on his only child and donates to civic organizations, but I get nothing. He only gives me a gift when I give him one of equal value.
We have no joint accounts. I currently have a large debt, so I am pretty strapped, but in two years that will be paid off. I feel like a second-class citizen. I know Dean loves me — but I come after his son, his job, his employees, his computer and his civic organizations. His bank accounts are getting fatter, and I am barely scraping by. Is this a marriage or a lord/serf relationship? — Indentured Servant
Dear Servant: It sounds like a lopsided business arrangement. It’s certainly not our idea of a loving marriage where partners should take care of each other instead of sending them a bill for expenses. A good partnership is 50-50, but the contribution doesn’t have to be money. It can mean household chores, child care, etc. And when one partner has a higher income and fewer debts than the other, it is unfair to expect an equal financial arrangement. Dean is treating you as an inferior, and it is building resentment. Tell him the marriage is in serious trouble and you’d like to go for counseling. If he won’t go, go without him. You might also want to see an attorney.
Having everything in his name puts you in a risky position.
Dean is a prize jerk. He makes good money, spends it on everything from expensive vacations to fitness equipment to meals out with his pals. But he makes his wife pay RENT?
With the economy being what it is, what would happen if the wife loses her job and can’t pay this rent? Will Dean evict her from the house, even though he can afford to pay the mortgage out of his own salary?
This is in no way a fair partnership. Certainly Dean must support his teenage son. Certainly it is fine to take him on vacations and spend time with him. But this woman is his WIFE, and as such, should be treated equally.
The letter-writer should take Annie’s advice, go for counseling, and see an attorney. I bet their advice would be the same as mine – DUMP THIS LOSER ASAP!
