Christine the Curmudgeon

Well, it LOOKS like it would be fun.  Keith Lockhart and the Boston Pops.  This year, country music great Toby Keith will be performing.  And the whole shebang will be hosted by my favorite Scotsman, Craig Ferguson.  And before you complain about my man Craig, yes he IS an American citizen, he earned it.

Yet, even the presence of the beloved @CraigyFerg is not enough to make Christine the Curmudgeon deal with the hell that is the 4th of July at the Esplanade in Boston.

Why?  Because there are too many people.  You have to get there at the ass-crack of dawn in order to line up and get a good patch of grass on which to sit.  And yeah, no more mad racing, now they have to inspect your bags and coolers and all before they let you in, to make sure you’re not sneaking in beer or anything else illegal.

But then, once you find a place to camp for the day, you are stuck there ALL DAMNED DAY.  Yeah, you can leave if you have someone else who is willing to sit there, but if it were just me and Mr. Curmudgeon, we’d have to take turns going to the bathroom and all.  And going to the bathroom could take hours.  There are simply too many people and not enough toilets.  Plus, they use those nasty port-a-potties, that also have no running water,  just hand sanitizer.  Sorry, but I hate hand sanitizer, I don’t feel clean unless I use actual soap and water to wash my hands.

Now, I don’t expect state of the art restrooms with fancy Kohler toilets and all, but I like regular toilets with soap and water for hand-washing, and not having to stand in line for an hour to use one. Keep in mind that you are stuck at this place ALL DAY and MOST OF THE NIGHT.  You are out in the hot sun and need to drink water to stay hydrated, but then you have to keep peeing it out.  Not fun.

And then, as we’ve experienced when going to free concerts in the past at the Esplanade, nine times out of ten, some asshat two feet away is going to light up a cigarette.    We can’t move because there is no place to move to.  In the case of the concerts, which we didn’t camp out at the ass-crack of dawn for, we’d end up cutting our losses and leaving.  There is no rule against smoking there, and if you try to politely tell the smoker to go elsewhere to light up, because you’re allergic to cigarette smoke, they usually start trouble with you.  Not fun.

If you manage to stay for the long haul, you ain’t seen nothing yet, when it comes to trying to get home.  All of those 100,000 + people will be leaving at the same time, right when the show is over.  Driving is nearly impossible.  Although the MBTA will be letting people ride for free after 10:30 PM, it will take forever to actually get to board a bus or a train, because there will be too many people.  You won’t likely get home until 2-3 in the morning.  Not fun.

If we were going to stay home, we’d just watch all of this on TV, and feel glad to have the best seat in the house.  But this year, we’re heading up to ManchVegas, NH for the weekend.  We’re staying at the Hilton Garden Inn near the New Hampshire Fisher Cats ballpark, and seeing games on Saturday and Sunday nights, both with post-game fireworks.  On Saturday night, the city of Manchester is having their own fireworks, so we can see that, too.  And after it’s over, we get up and walk the few yards back to the hotel.  No driving, no public transit, no headaches.

At the ballpark, we get our own guaranteed seating, clean bathrooms that you don’t have to stand in line for long, if at all, to get to.  We get to see a great ballgame and the assorted entertainment that goes with it.  Okay, it’s not the Pops, Toby, and my man Craig, but it’s a lot less hassle and MORE fun.  And they have beer.  Even more fun.

If you’re going to the Pops thing, good luck and have fun!  But nope, it is NOT for us.  Not worth the hassle and aggravation.  See you at the ballpark!

Christine the Curmudgeon certainly thinks so.  Srsly.  You remember those annoying ads for Toys-R-Us around Christmas, with that person with the annoying voice says “where kids are a big DEEEEEEEEL”?  Well, they are back, just in time for Easter!

When I was a little Curmudgeonlette,  Easter gifts consisted mostly of a basket similar to the one pictured here, except ours didn’t have quite as much candy as this does.  No kid needs that much candy in one day…they’ll need to visit a site like http://www.weightlosswand.com afterward!   But you get the idea…a couple of small toys, such as a stuffed bunny or duck or lamb, and some candy…usually just a chocolate bunny, some jelly beans, and maybe a couple of other things.  That, and coloring eggs, and getting new outfits for church, was pretty much it.  Church was a big thing when I was growing up, since I went to Catholic school and all.  Attendance was mandatory at 9AM Mass every Sunday, the nuns took attendance, and the only excuse to not be there is if you were sick.  No wonder I don’t go to church now…when someone crams anything down my throat, my reaction is to not want to do it all the more.

Anyhoo, I digress…this rant is really about how badly commercialized Easter is.  I haven’t paid attention to the Easter Toys-R-Us ads, they only catch my ear and hurt it when the person says “where kids are a big DEEEEEEEEL!”

But I’ve seen some of the flyers that come in the Sunday papers, even years ago, they were pushing big-ticket toys as Easter.  I remember one year, a long time ago, when they were pushing a $400 Barbie house in their Easter gift flyer.  I honestly don’t see why anyone would buy something like that, even for Christmas.

I haven’t seen any of this year’s flyers, because I don’t get the Sunday papers any more.  So I checked out the Toys-R-Us website to see what they were pushing for this year.  In addition to the inexpensive stuff like plush bunnies, books, and candy, they have a section called BIG Easter Gifts.  Oh. My. Ceiling Cat!

I honestly don’t see how most people can afford this.  My guess is that they can’t, but buy it anyway.  Too many people already go nuts buying thousands of dollars worth of Christmas crap that is nowhere near paid for.  Hell, I bet there are people out there who are still paying off credit card bills from Christmas 2004!  You know my feelings about credit…if it’s going to take you years to pay it off, you probably should not be buying it.  The only three exceptions to this would be financing homes, cars, and college education.  Mr. Curmudgeon and I do not own a home at this time.  But we do have his student loan debt, as well as a car payment.  The total for all of that is a LOT more than any credit card debt we have, but the school loans and the car will be 100% paid off two years from now.  One school loan will be gone by the summer, the other one will be paid off in a year, and the Curmudgeon-mobile, the year after that.  Any credit card debt will be gone soon, too.

But I just don’t see buying piles of overpriced plastic crap for kids, when you have to go into years of debt to pay it off.  A home is an investment.  So is a college education.  A car is a necessity for a lot of people, especially if they live and/or work someplace where there is little to no public transit.  Most people have to finance a car because they don’t have enough cash laying around to just walk into the dealership and buy it outright.

You may say, well, Christine the Curmudgeon, easy for you to say, as you don’t have kids to buy for.  Yes, it’s easy for us to scale back and do cash-only Christmases.  But even those who do have kids should scale back, too.  Teaching kids smart spending and saving habits is a valuable life lesson.  It is much more valuable than that pile of plastic crap that you spent too much on, that you are still paying for.  Probably half of it will be sold at this summer’s yard sale at a fraction of its original cost, because the kids are bored with it, and you need room for the next Christmas or Easter’s worth of plastic crap.  Is it really worth running up all that debt,  just for one day?  Think about it!

As for me, my birthday happens to fall on Easter this year, and it’s also Red Sox Opening Day.  All I want is to go to a sports bar to watch it, have some food and a few beers, and see the Sox kick some serious Y***** ass.

And a white chocolate Easter bunny.

Sheesh, this is not rocket science.  Yet Christine the Curmudgeon keeps hearing people bitch and whine about how much the holidaze cost, how many gifts that people felt they were *forced* to buy, how many people they were *forced* to entertain.

If you honestly can’t afford to do all of this, take a page from former First Lady Nancy Reagan’s book, and JUST SAY NO.

NO.  A very simple little two-letter word, which, if said, can save you from all sorts of stress, mountains of debt, and the like.  If other people don’t like it, too bad.  Let THEM pay your bills for you…suggest that to them, maybe THAT will shut them up.

There are already enough expenses when it comes to just getting by.  Rent or mortgage payments come first, otherwise, you’ll have to live outside, and it’s really cold out there!  Then there are utilities, food, clothing, and transportation expenses.  And let’s not forget taxes, and perhaps some term life insurance, in case you croak, then whoever you leave behind won’t be stuck with all of your funeral bills and such.

But quitcherbitchin about how expensive the holidaze are, when most of the expense is you going to the maul to buy tons of plastic kiddie crap that will no doubt be sold at next summer’s yard sale, because the kids got bored with it.  And stupid knick-knacks for Aunt Tilly and Great-Grandma Bessie, who live in nursing homes, who you never see anyway, and have no use nor space for the stuff you send them, that you can’t afford anyway.

Can’t afford it?  Then JUST SAY NO.  We did.  And it’s been quite a liberating thing!  Try it sometime!

So Christine the Curmudgeon has been seeing many reminders in the media about how donations to charities like the Salvation Army are down, such as this one.  The main reason given is the bad economy, that many people who used to be able to give are now in need of charitable services.

Well, I can think of another reason, and I know it’s going to piss a lot of people off.  Yes, Christine the Curmudgeon is gong to lay some of the blame on obnoxious, bratty CHILDREN.

The fact is, I have been seeing fewer and fewer bell-ringers around over the past few years.  The reason, I found out, was that some stores, such as Target, have adopted blanket policies that prohibit ANYONE from doing any form of solicitation in front of their stores, as they claim it is off-putting to their customers.

And this is where the obnoxious bratty children come in.  I see them outside of some stores, with their cans, collecting money for their school sports teams or other unnecessary crap.  Sometimes they are selling candy that can be had for a third of the price inside the store.  Most of these kids look pretty well-heeled, their parents are pushing their younger siblings around in pricey Baby jogger city select strollers, surely, they can afford to pick up the cost of their kids’ sports activities.

On principle, I don’t give to these kids, nor do I buy anything.  I pay enough in taxes for schools that I don’t even use.  Hell, the town I live in is spending $16 million to renovate the high school, yet I still have to pay to have my garbage collected, when this service was once included in our tax payments.  So why should I give them anything?  Seriously.

The problem arises when people refuse to give, or buy the overpriced Reese’s cups or M&Ms.  More often than not, these kids hurl verbal abuse at those who do not open their wallets to them.  It has become so much of a problem that some stores felt the need to not allow ANYONE to solicit for ANYTHING.  If they allow the Salvation Army bell-ringers, then the kids’ sports team parents will start whining about being discriminated against.  So, as not to have to deal with that crap, Target and other stores had to adopt this policy.

The bell-ringers, I do give to.  I may not agree with all the religious stuff about the Salvation Army, but they do good work, helping people in need.  And I can tell you that I have yet to hear a bell-ringer hurl verbal abuse at people who walk by and do not donate.  If they did start doing that, I would stop giving to them, as well.  I refuse to be bullied, intimidated, into donating anything to anybody.  I only do it if I truly WANT to.

I truly hope that the families of these spoiled brats never find themselves in need of help from the Salvation Army or other such charity.  I just wish they’d be aware that their aggressive fund-raising techniques have hurt these charities, and there is not enough now to help everyone who needs assistance.

So, please…if you can possibly afford it, the next time you do see a bell ringer, drop some change or a few bucks into their bucket.  Someday, YOU might need them to help YOU!

This is from today’s Dear Abby:

DEAR ABBY: For the first time in eight years, my husband and I will be staying in a hotel when we visit his parents for Christmas. While I love his family, their home is small, and we are relegated to a trundle bed and must share the sole bathroom with the entire family. It’s impossible for us to be comfortable with so many people in such close quarters. We assumed that sleeping in a nearby hotel and visiting during the days and evenings would be a fair compromise.We were shocked at their reaction when we discussed our plans with the family. They are very hurt about our decision and extremely offended. They are begging us to reconsider and stay in their home.

Are our actions selfish and cold-hearted? We mean no harm, and are so surprised at the strong reaction that we’re starting to question our judgment. Should we travel and stay in the hotel, or just scrap the trip altogether? — STAYING HOME NEXT YEAR

DEAR STAYING HOME: No, you, your husband and his parents should discuss this more fully. You didn’t mention how many family members will be spending the holidays in that small house. While I sympathize with family traditions, as children grow into adulthood certain realities come into play.

If you prefer to sleep in a hotel and have a private bathroom and the ability to have a private conversation if you wish, I don’t think it’s too much to ask. But I’d hate to see you cancel a family visit because of the pressure that is being exerted. That’s in no one’s best interests.

Yes,  Christine the Curmudgeon agrees that these people are adults, and they have the right to sleep wherever they damned well please.  If Mr. Curmudgeon and I were to decide to go to Cleveland to visit his family, I would only agree to go if we can stay at a hotel, and not in her house.  He agrees to this, his mother drives him nuts, too, and spending so much as one night under her roof would drive us both insane.  Also, as far as she is concerned, we would be staying at the Hotel Dick Cheney…the one that is in “an undisclosed location”.  The reason for this is that if she knew where the hotel was, she’d go there and drive us nuts, or call all the time, and we’d not get a moment of peace.  Such as it is now, she doesn’t have our home phone number, nor does she even know that we have cell phones.  I changed our landline number, with Mr. C’s full blessing, because she was calling all the time and leaving long, whiny messages (we also got Caller ID because of her, and I was screening the calls, not picking up if it was her).  The fact is, once you get her on the phone, she DOES NOT SHUT UP.

I mean, I think I got a UTI once because of her.  In our pre-Caller ID days, I had been expecting a call from someone else, and I picked up the phone when it rang, and it was her.  She rambled on and on forever about people I don’t know and hope never to meet, and no matter how much I tried, I could not find a polite way to get her off the phone.  Mr. C was not at home to take the phone and talk to her, so I could go and pee…I swear, I was holding it in for close to two hours.  I just can’t bring myself to pee while on the phone, even when it’s MIL.  I think it’s rude, and I also don’t get these women in the ladies room who are oin their cell phones while taking a leak.

Anyhoo, having to hold it in for too long can trigger a UTI, and I’m almost positive that one was due to her refusing to shut up.  I guess I could have just hung up on her, or peed while on the phone, but then she’d only call Mr. C at work and bitch to him about how rude I am.

Anyhoo, enough about MIL.  We’re not going to Cleveland to see her now, or any time soon.  This is what she gets for being annoying.  We can think of much better ways to spend our money and vacation time!

I don’t see why the couple in the Dear Abby letter even HAS to *discuss* this with anyone.  Adults do NOT need Mommy & Daddy’s permission to book a hotel room.  Personally, contrary to Abby’s advice, I WOULD put out the old *take it or leave it* ultimatum.  As in, we stay at a hotel and you quitcherbitching about it, or we don’t come at all.  One word of complaint about our choice of lodgings, and we leave, go back to our hotel, and enjoy the rest of our holiday in peace.  Turn off the cell phones, and tell the front desk staff not to direct any calls to our room.  Perhaps then, the whiny family will realize that we mean business, and they accept our choice to sleep at a hotel next time.  They’re lucky we bother to come see them at all!

I like having privacy and down time.  If I had to visit annoying family members, I’d like to be able to bitch about them on my blogs, Twitter, and Facebook, without anyone looking over my shoulder.  Kind of hard to do that in a cramped house with no privacy!  Sometimes I just want to unwind after a long day of holiday stuff by popping open a cold microbrew, surfing the web, reading blogs, even reading online diet pill reviews if I feel like it.  Relatives tend to try to stuff you the death with holiday food, so perhaps diet pills might even be needed!

The bathroom thing is a big issue, too…see stuff about UTIs above.  If I gotta go, I gotta go, and I can’t be waiting in line behind 43 other people just to take a leak.  Having to hang out at their house and waiting in a long bathroom line is bad enough.  I also don’t like having to take a shower while other people are beating on the door to get into the bathroom.

In any case, there are a million reasons why a hotel is a better place to sleep than a small overcrowded home.  As far as I can see from the letter, this couple would be paying for it themselves, not asking Mommy and Daddy for the money to do so.

Yet, so many parents of adult children wonder why their kids never want to see them.  How about treating us like ADULTS, let us have the privacy we deserve when we want it, and maybe we’d be more open to visiting you!